Those Dang Kids!

When I was a kid in high school I thought I had it all

Straight A's, kinda tall, and had a bounce when I walked

My Math class was the worst because everyone was stupid

And I'd lose it when the teacher would stop class just to prove it

He would always say we were the worst class he ever had

He failed us so bad that we all got mad and told our dads

That he touched us in a place that made us sad

So he got fired the next day and the class was ecstatic

But the next teacher was so pale he could've been locked in an attic

For at least 30 years and that would explain his appearance

He disappeared when the lights were on and we couldn't even see him

So this bully kid started making fun of him one day

And the whole class laughed except me because that bully's gay

So I told him to shut his fat face when he was yelling

That the teacher's skeleton was as visible as his melon-

Shaped head that was too big for his puny shoulders

That one probably hurt and cut so deep it burned

The teacher because his eyes locked and watered up

And you'd need a huge cup to catch all the tears that dropped

Then the bully turned around and looked straight at me

Asking if there was a problem and if I knew wrestling

Because he was the captain of our school's team and he religiously

Practiced every day so no one would dare to be messing

Around with him because he knew how to fight and he egged me

That I would drop in two seconds flat if he test me

But I said fuck you, I'm not scared, there's no pee in my underwear

So he crossed the room like a giant bear, from here to there, and grabbed me by my hair

He threw me across the room so fast from the front to the back

That my head hit the wall with a sound like splat

When I got up he was rushing at me and put me in a headlock,

Told me to say uncle but I said suck my cock

So he threw me again, this time over a desk

And I wished I had a gun and a bulletproof vest

Because I would've ended him right there in the classroom

But I was armed only with my brain and my attitude

So I grabbed the stapler and bashed him over the head

Pierced his skull through his forehead and pulled his long dreads

He screamed out loud and I shouted a loud "Yes!"

I banged his head against the wall and asked if he could breathe

And I know he couldn't see because his eyes welled up instantly

From all the pain I had caused him as he started to cry

He better kiss that badass reputation goodbye

Because I just destroyed it and some of his soul at that

All because I defended a teacher during Math.